I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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