at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize