I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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