I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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