i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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