This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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