I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
