I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
