dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
