would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
