nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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