i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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