do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
