Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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