alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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