Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
