I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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