is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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