Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
