i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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