Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
