Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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