my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
