im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
