i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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