come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
