Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
