I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize