I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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