This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
