OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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