I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
