Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions