ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Be still, my beating vagina.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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