I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
