If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm both gender and math confused
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