i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
