so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
