i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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