shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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