ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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