While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .