Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
