I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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