my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
