My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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