he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sorry about my life...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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