she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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