sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
