I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
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I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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