He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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