Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
