sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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