3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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