White coat. Heels.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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