tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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