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after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
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