Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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