he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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