I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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