Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
