I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
