so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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