Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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